Thirst - Living Water

I've heard it said,

as the deer pants for the water,

So my soul pants for you, O God

My soul thirsts for you, the living God

I stand here on the bank, so close to you, yet so far

My loneliness won’t let me enter in

My shame demands to remain dry, embedded underneath my skin

As if it would rather my soul shall wither within

This fog of despair is too deep-

And the inconsistencies of my life are too many

Too exhausting

Too humiliating

Too deep to see you, God

I’ve created this fog around me

I’ve tried to control it

I’ve tried to conceal it

Because if others saw it-

What would they think of me?

There’s a longing within that keeps ripping away at my joy

Little by little

I search for contentment on the banks of this dry land

With the rocks beneath my feet,

I am reminded of my self-defeat

The times I have wallowed in my self-condemnation

Failures of self-promotion

Desires of self-admiration

Wandering away with my self-deception

I seek the praises of those around me

Yet neglecting those closest to me

And there are other streams tempting me-

Where my sin quenches thirst, but the quench does not last

Lord, that stream continues to run dry

Causing me to pursue another stream, another well

But my actions- my pursuit-my gain –

Is really no gain at all

Lord, why have I deprived my soul of you?

Why have I given into these ways that are opposite of you?

I remember King David’s prayer

Hear me, Lord 

as I pray it as my own

(Ps 51) O loving God, sweep over me.

Have mercy over me.

Have pity upon me and take away the awful stain of my sin

O wash me, cleanse me from this guilt within.

I admit my shame to you-

It is against you

You saw it all and your sentence is just against me

I was born a sinner, yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.

You deserve honesty from the heart, yes

Utter sincerity and truthfulness. 

O give me this wisdom

Sprinkle your cleansing blood upon me

Wash me

And I shall be whiter than snow

And after you have punished me,

Restore joy back to me

Don’t keep looking at my sins-erase them from your sight

For they have haunted me day and night.

Create in me a new, clean heart, o God

Filled with clean thoughts and right desires.

Don’t banish your presence from me

Don’t take your Holy Spirit from me

Your salvation- restore it unto me

Lord, I will teach your ways to others like me

Those that are guilty like me

We will repent and return to you

Then I will sing of your forgiveness for my lips will be unsealed

Oh, how I will praise you!

-Yes, I will praise you!

I return to the spring of water you provide 

it wells up to eternal life

To the life your Son sacrificed his life for

Out of his great love for us

He humbled himself and became one of us

He lived among us

He healed us

Taught us

He took the punishment so that peace would be given to us

He suffered wounds so that healing would be offered to us

He was assigned death so that life would be given to us

And when he took his last breath

Scripture tells us that the earth shook

The work split in half and the

The veil that once separated us from you was split from top to bottom

The veil – signifying that we now have access to you.

To drink the living water that only comes from you

To receive forgiveness from you

mercy from you

hope only found in you

For we know this all to be true -

In you - Your promises stand unbroken

In the power of your name, our sins are forgiven

In you - Our failures will be redeemed

In you - Your Truth will be revealed

In you - Our families will be restored

Because in you - your love will never fail-

You, God, are my God,

    earnestly I will seek you;

I will thirst for you,

   in a dry and parched land

    where there is no water.

 May my whole being only long for you. (Psalms 63:1)