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Thirst - Living Water

I've heard it said,

as the deer pants for the water,
So my soul pants for you, O God
My soul thirsts for you, the living God
I stand here on the bank, so close to you, yet so far
My loneliness won’t let me enter in
My shame demands to remain dry, embedded underneath my skin
As if it would rather my soul shall wither within
This fog of despair is too deep-
And the inconsistencies of my life are too many
Too exhausting
Too humiliating
Too deep to see you, God
I’ve created this fog around me
I’ve tried to control it
I’ve tried to conceal it
Because if others saw it-
What would they think of me?
There’s a longing within that keeps ripping away at my joy
Little by little
I search for contentment on the banks of this dry land
With the rocks beneath my feet,
I am reminded of my self-defeat
The times I have wallowed in my self-condemnation
Failures of self-promotion
Desires of self-admiration
Wandering away with my self-deception

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