Beneath the Shallows...Psalm 42

"As the deer pants for streams of water, 

so my soul pants for you, O God.  

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.  

When can I go and meet with God?"

Psalm 42:1-2

I feel it.  

It barely touches the tips of my toes.

And my soul suddenly begins to thirst for it's refreshment.

But, do I dare enter within?  

"My tears have been my food day and night, 

while men say to me all day long,

Where is your God?"

Psalm 42:3

I stand here on the shore, and loneliness won't let go of me.

Yet, the water is beckoning me to come in as if it knows my name.  

But, the fog of despair is too deep. 

Too deep to see you, O God.

My heart is heavy.  Almost too heavy to bear.

I am choking on my tears.

"These things I remember 

as I pour out my soul:

how I used to go with the multitude, 

leading the procession to the house of God,

with shouts of joy and thanksgiving

among the festive throng."

Psalm 42:4

There's a longing within that keeps ripping away my joy.

Little by little.

I search for contentment on the banks of dry land.

And then I hear my heart speak a voice that is not my own...

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, 

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me; 

therefore I will remember you

from the land of the Jordan,

the heights of Hermon-from Mount Mizar."

Psalm 42:5-6

Hope.  

With this one word, I step deeper into your streams of life.  

Hope.

Is it not more than an emotion?  

Can it be that hope is more of a discipline?

A discipline that determines to believe that You, O God, are who You say You are.  

That when trials come and the burdens seem to heavy to bear, that You, O God, can calm the storm.

With a single word, You can lift this fog and bring forth the sun.

In a single word, You can provide comfort when all seems lost.

Hope.

I must remember You in despair.

"Deep calls to deep

in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and breakers have swept over me."

Psalm 42:7

You call me to step deeper.  

The pit of my stomach embraces the water as if Your arms surround me.

And I fall into Your embrace.

"By day the Lord direct his love, 

at night his song is with me-

a prayer to the God of my life."

Psalm 42:8

You say to me,

"I AM HERE."

But, where have you been, O God?

I have felt so alone in this world.

"I say to God my Rock,

'Why have you forgotten me?'

Why must I go about mourning, 

oppressed by the enemy?

My bones suffer mortal agony

as my foes taunt me,

saying to me all day long,

'Where is your God?'"

Psalm 42:9-10

Where were you when my heart cried until all was dried up?

And when I laid in my bed in agony, You have felt so far away. 

A whisper passes by me...

I NEVER LEFT YOU.

Lost in the fog, I don't hear Him.    

Where were you, God?

Again, I hear the voice within my heart say to me...

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him, 

my Savior and my God."

Psalm 42:11

The fog of despair is deep and my heart is heavy.

Forgive me.

My hope IS with You, O God.

I must remember You.

For when the fog weighs heavy and all seems lost, I will look for You....

For you bring forth the light of day.

And I will praise You there.

I will praise You now.

I will praise You in this fog, my Savior and my God.